To Her

It's been a while since we last spoke
I couldn't bring myself to talk
But if you have a few moments of time
I'd like to take a little walk.

So much has happened since you left
all those years ago
so much you have missed
and boy i've missed you so.

I went and got married
you weren't there for that
I don't want you to feel bad,
cuz neither did my brother Matt.

And then I had a baby
and while I was under you said to me
after picking her up into your arms
"how beautiful is she?"

But you weren't really there
it was just a wonderful dream
but now I need you here
Things arent as good as they seem.

Lately i've been crying
and Im not quite sure why
i've been feeling really sad
patiently waiting to die.

Please don't get me wrong
I love my baby girl
She means everything to me
she's the prettiest in the world.

Yet its hard to do this alone
her daddy is hardly around
i know working is important
but it's burying me into the ground.

When I was pregnant they said they'd help me
my husband, family and friends,
But since she's come I have no one
to visit me in the end.

It's hard being a single mom
especially when you're married
I don't think anyone will know
until I'm dead and buried.

Oh how i've missed you so
your voice could always help me out
I never used to cry this much
never scream or shout.

Just when I lose all hope on life
I can feel that you're here
I know because it's at that time
I begin to shed the tears.

What am I supposed to do?
It's love I think I lack,
When my world is spiraling out of control
and only you can bring it back?

My thoughts are scaring even me
they're all morbid and sick
stay alive or just let go
Im lost at which to pick

If I died I'd have to leave
my little girl behind
And this is something I could never do
I'd have to be so blind.

She has my eye shape
a trait I got from you
and her eyes would have to be
the most beautiful shade of blue.

So in theory I haven't lost you
If she has the shape and color
I know now you must be in
the body of another.

This is why I must stay alive
for the sake of my child
I need to protect and love her
even when she becomes wild.

I see you in that child
and maybe that's why the tears
I finally have a part of you back
Finally.. after all these years.


Written for my grandmother, who passed away 4 years ago. RIP Gram